Winter's Blue

Two weeks ago I took advantage of a 3-day-weekend and traveled to the Chubu and Kansai areas of Japan. It's one of my goals to see as many areas of Japan as possible, and this weekend I got to check two prefectures off my list: Mie Prefecture, the home of my lovely friend Stephanie, and Aichi Prefecture, the home prefecture of Japan's 4th-biggest city Nagoya.




The tunnel of light at Nabana No Sato, a winter illuminations display.




The grounds of the Outer Shrine, one of the two Ise shrines in Ise city. These shrines are the most important Shinto shrines in the world so I was excited to see them. It was really crowded that day though!



The Meoto Iwa or the "wedded rocks," supposed to represent husband and wife (or as I like to say: partner and partner.) This is one of the main tourist attractions of Mie Prefecture and the Shima peninsula. We were here at sunset and it was absolutely gorgeous and tranquil. Coastlines and the sea, I have missed you so much.




In front of Nagoya castle in Nagoya. It's inside a big park across from City Hall. It's always super interesting to go to castles because they provide so much information on Japanese history. As Americans we have only about 300 years of history to learn about and conceptualize, but Japanese history goes back well over 10,000 years, so it's sort of mind-blowing to think about just how OLD this country is and how much so many aspects of Japanese life are quite rooted in ancient tradition.


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So, lately I've been experiencing uncharacteristic low energy.
This is normal for me in winter: my energy level lowers in winter every year. But this year, it's stronger than ever before. I still function fine at work, and I still have the energy to do things on weekends (as you can see from the above photos), but I have no desire to do anything else on weeknights other than come home, eat, and sit in bed all night. I never want to wake up, and I feel tired and/or hungry at frequent intervals throughout every day. It seems that no matter how much I eat or sleep, I can't get myself to feel the life-loving energy I felt so easily before. I am just going through the motions, but I'm not engaged, motivated, inspired. I don't feel negative at all (not sad or depressed) but just...lazy and tired. So why do I feel this way? Work isn't exhausting, so I know that's not the culprit.

A couple reasons I've thought of are:
I'm not exercising.
The cold here is colder than anything I have ever experienced and I am not used to it.
I miss my fulfilling social network of friends and family from back home.
I don't feel connected to my community here.
I am stressed about money.
I have very few outlets for artistic expression (no choir to sing in, no piano to play, no club to dance in, no place to perform.)
My voice is still weak and nodule-y and as such I can still barely sing (although it's much better than before.)

I know that as the weather warms up, I will naturally feel better. But my goal is to find a way to remedy my situation and my attitude using these reasons as a starting-off point. Whatever I can change, I will. And whatever I can't change, I won't worry about. I really want to dig in and feel engaged and inspired every day here!


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And now, to bring back a relic from the past:


*JAPANESE CULTURAL TIDBIT*


In my entries from Nagasaki, I frequently mentioned little interesting aspects I found about Japanese society. This time around, I feel like I can offer deeper social commentary than I could before. I'm going to try and move beyond the age of "they don't have public trash cans" and onto deeper insights that convey a more thorough understanding of Japanese culture, without generalization or stereotyping.


Thank-yous and Apologies
Thank-yous and apologies are thrown around like crazy here. There are many many ways to say either. This is an aspect of Japanese society which I fit into perfectly. Part of my personality is very eager-to-please and craves validation, so when I apologize, it makes me feel good to hear the "it's okay" from the other party. Japanese society highly values extreme apologetic-ness and gratefulness. When you receive a present, you say "sumimasen." When you accidentally bump someone on the train, you say "sumimasen." When you want to get someone's attention, you also say "sumimasen." In this way, "sumimasen" is an all-in-one combination of "thank you," "excuse me," and "I'm sorry." The three words (and intentions behind them) kind of blur together, because it is assumed that if a person is grateful, they will also feel guilt at making the other party do such a thing for them, and thus an apology is expected. Living in this world of politeness and gratitude is just another way in which all social actions are smoothed over, and conflict is avoided at all costs. A patron and an employee at a restaurant can respectfully argue over a bill just using these magic words of "I'm sorry" and "thank you" and acting appreciative and polite. They will not let their emotions show from underneath the veneer of their social politeness. (But that's a story for a different day.)

Japanese society also values extreme humility to the point of self-deprecation (of the self and of the family), which is something western culture criticizes but taken in the Japanese context, is not nearly as bad as you'd think. (It's not what you really think, it's just what to say to others to act humble.)

6 Months

As of January 30th, I've been in Japan for 6 months! It still feels like I just got here. Time seriously flew by. If I were only staying one year, I'd be officially half done with my entire Japan experience. But fortunately, I'm re-contracting, so I still have another year and a half to go.


Whenever anyone asks me how I'm doing here, I tell them that work is definitely the most enjoyable part of my life here. It's true, and I couldn't be more thankful for that. I am so blessed to have been assigned to a school with only 52 students, and an elementary school with only 65. I know all of my students' names, and I love each and every one of them. I have good relationships with my co-workers, and the support and respect of both my principals. Work is challenging enough to keep me motivated, but not so challenging that I burn out. I may have slightly higher-than-average expenses for an ALT (mostly owing to the fact that I use a car), but with such a positive work situation, how can I complain? It's nice to wake up in the morning and not feel stress, fear or dread over my day. I have a lot of ideas that I'd like to try with students, but I'm planning on starting a lot of them in April, when the school year changes.


I won't lie: winter sucks. But, winter sucks wherever I am, and plenty of places are much colder than Shibukawa. I daresay I'm actually used to the cold now, compared to the shock of a couple months prior. We had our first "big" snow about two weeks ago, and we're due for another one in a few days. But unlike the grisly white mountainous locales just an hour north of my town, our snow doesn't fall often enough to consistently accumulate, and we usually experience days or weeks of snow-free weather in between snows. The hallways of my school are cold, but the teacher's room and classrooms are warm, and I'm usually pleasantly surprised to find that I am warm enough in my own home that I don't need to run the heater (as long as I'm wearing all my cozy layers of sweats.)


The biggest change between summer-me and winter-me is that I just don't do as much now. I am perfectly happy to come home from school at 5:00, start to make dinner and use the computer, and continue to do so until I fall asleep, every weeknight. Hibernation mode kicks in and I don't want to take walks, go out to eat, or even do anything on weekends sometimes. Even walking to Japanese class in the cold, a 20-25 minute walk, takes all the effort I can muster.

On that note, my Japanese is making strides. I could be studying more, but I'm still proud of the weekly progress I'm making.

My biggest stressor as of late is making decisions regarding how to spend my money--specifically, to travel or not to travel. I know in my heart that I should travel as much as possible, and that once I'm not living in Asia, I'll never get this opportunity again, but I second guess myself--"Is it worth it?" "Shouldn't I put money in savings for an emergency?" The me of a couple years prior would have definitely been 100% pro-travel. But when I'm actually in this situation, all the stress it causes pops up--booking flights and hostels, securing visas, finding travel buddies, being wary of being duped, etc. etc. The clock is ticking, and spring break flight prices are only getting higher. I'm also still conflicted on whether to visit home this summer or wait until the winter holidays next year. I only have so much money to go around, and I'd like to save up in case I have car problems, or need dental work, or for any other of the myriad things that could happen. So hopefully this time in my life will be a growing experience for me where I learn what I value, how to prioritize, and how to spend money in the most "worth it" way I can.


Picture time! (Click on the pictures to see them bigger)

In January, my friend Emily had her birthday celebration at Tokyo Disneyland. I jumped on the chance to visit Japan's version of my favorite place in the world! Having had an annual pass in California for 3 years, and being a Disney-lover since childhood, Disney (despite its flaws) holds a very very special place for me.

Friends at the entrance: Sam, Emily, Lisa, Dorothy, and me. Three Canadians, an Oregonian, and a Californian!

I was surprised that the Main Street shopping area is covered underneath an arcade-style glass lattice. This is because in comparison with California Disneyland, it rains (and snows!) a lot more here!

The line-up to It's A Small World: also covered! The chorus of It's A Small World in Japanese repeats "世界が一つ" ("there is one world.") Close enough.

Absolutely dying on the teacups. I've always hated this ride. I don't know why I thought this time would be any different.

Ending the night with a crazy photoshoot in ToonTown.