Tomorrow I'm off to Japan (again), Cambodia, and Vietnam for a month!
This blog never got closure from when I left Japan last July. It's now about 11 months later. Can't believe I've been back in the states that long! I could have sworn I updated this blog at least once after coming back, but I guess not.
I like my life and I feel decently optimistic about it now. This is a big change from this past fall, where I often felt helpless, detached, struggling to float. My first few jarring months a new teacher, combined with settling into a brand-new life with (mostly) brand-new people, combined with fall and winter's seasonal changes, made staying optimistic a challenge. Even though teaching is still the toughest thing I've ever done, am doing, and ever will be doing, and I still deeply struggle with the fact that I'm not immediately successful at it, I'm proud of the progress I've made and I'm proud to say I am optimistic about going into next year with improvements all around, both in my professional and personal life. I've reached a sort of landing on the way to the plateau of stability I crave. Maybe it will come, or maybe it won't, but I don't but at least I don't feel like I'm about to jump off the edge.
I hope this summer is an island of respite rather than a frantic drive of activity. You know how vacations can be both. I'm traveling during nearly all of my free time this summer (a whole month!), leaving me with about 5 days once I get back to move into my new place and prepare for the upcoming school year. (We start Professional Development on August 6th with classes starting at the end of August.) Whether this is a good decision or a misguided one, time will tell!
Even though I miss Japan in various fantastical and surface ways, and often look at pictures longingly, what I REALLY miss is the people. My friends and relationships. So I'm most excited to be returning to them once more. Most of my friends from my time in Japan are still there. I think slowly over time my friends will leave Japan and my relationships will fade, so I'll have less of a reason to go there. And I know that if I want to see all the countries in the world I really want to see, I cannot spend my summer each year seeing once more a place I'm already so familiar with. But at least for this year, it felt like the right thing to do.
Then, Analiese and I are going to Cambodia for ~5 days and Vietnam for ~9 days. I'm pretty nervous! A lot more planning (and money) has been involved than when I went to Thailand, and I feel more unsure about this trip than I ever have my previous ones--so much less is set in stone, so much more is up to chance, so much more is at stake. But I'm getting better at traveling. And scoring major adult points. Even though travel planning can be super stressful and worrisome, not once do I ever think it's not worth it. Of course it's worth it. Nothing could be
more worth it. Especially for me, as an exercise in letting go and letting what happen, will--no matter what happens.
I don't know if I'll really be able to update this thing from my iPhone from the road ('cause I won't have laptop/desktop computer access for most of the time that I'm there), but I'll try to update when I can! Otherwise, expect a crapload of updates when I get back (possibly including pictures although that's kind of a hassle.)
I can't shake the feeling that I've forgotten something or that something is wrong, but I get that before every trip. Whatever happens happens and I will live to tell the tale! Here we go.
