Day 21

Major fail tonight. Note to everyone: don't ever think that you can fix your sleeping schedule by getting almost no sleep and staying up the whole next day so you can crash the next night. I was fine all throughout work, thankfully, but when I went to Hamanomachi with Mai I was so tired that I couldn't even appreciate or enjoy my time. I'm glad I did it as opposed to staying home, definitely, but the quality was so compromised because I was tired. And then later I found out that she didn't even want go and only went because I wanted to go, so I felt super bad. I could have gone by myself! You didn't need to go with me!

So when I got home there was literally nothing I could do but pass out cold, and so I slept from around 5pm-10pm. -_-

I think once my sleeping schedule readjusts I will feel a lot better.
This morning (around 5-9 AM) was sunny and almost clear, but by midday it had become cloudy again. I was going to go to the Peace Park today but I decided to wait until a sunny day which I begrudgingly remembered probably isn't going to come for a month.

I wish this wasn't Mai's second term here, so she would actually want to do stuff with me. Neither her nor Carley wants to do anything. Whenever I do stuff with them I feel like I'm forcing them. They mostly just seem to want to spend outside-of-work time at home and around our neighborhood. I've been trying to be optimistic about it, and in some ways I still am, but it actually upsets me that both of them misunderstand my reasons for wanting to have company on my outings. Yes, YES, sometimes I like doing stuff alone. But most of the time I don't. I think it's lonely and not very fun. I'm one extrovert living with two introverts, I guess.


So, I'm resigning myself to the fact that I need to look into travel alone. I can meet Liz in Beppu, but that's not until the end of July, and I can meet Alex in Osaka, but I still wanted to explore more of Kyushu, and I really didn't want to go alone. I don't feel scared to take the train, etc, alone, because my Japanese is passable and Japan is such a safe country, but it's just not fun! I want to share my experiences with someone! I want to take pictures of someone and have someone take pictures of me! I mean, that's what traveling is! It seriously makes me question if I want to do it alone or just not do it at all. I don't know if my experience will be worth the money spent if I do it alone.


I really wish I could feel closer to Mai and Carley. We're all we've got for these 3 months. We're all we've got. Maybe it's because they both have boyfriends who they talk to online all the time, multiple times every day, so they don't need a network here as much. I don't know. :/


I'll feel better later, though. I'm SO beyond lucky to be in this experience to begin with, and I'm tired and have a messed-up sleep schedule right now, so I'm sure I'll feel more optimistic later.